Emotional Affairs & Infidelity 101

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Emotional Affairs: Signs Of Infidelity & What To Do

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Jen Kirsch

Created date

May 28, 2014

What is an emotional affair and what are signs of infidelity? With Facebook, Twitter, texting and Tinder, the accessibility we have to others is at an all-time high and so are the questions. I once downloaded Tinder for an article I was writing, and upon swiping through various men’s images, I spotted my friend’s husband on the app. I then logged onto my Facebook and noticed that his profile picture is still one of him and her. Apparently, dude was looking for something on the side, whether it be a hook up, or just some seemingly harmless flirtations.

It’s seeing and hearing about signs like this that bring up the reality that many people are having flirtatious flings on the side or at work, despite being in committed relationships. So with this knowingness, here’s everything you need to know about emotional affairs and infidelity, including how to address it.

What is emotional infidelity?

An emotional affair is when you’re in a committed relationship, yet talk and flirt with someone frequently, whether in person or through any other means such as email, texting, etc. You could be sharing details about your personal life, your relationship or just sexting or texting for extra attention and to feel desired.

What are the signs of an emotional affair?

If you feel the need to hide these conversations from your partner in any way, you’re definitely guilty. You shouldn’t have to delete messages and hide things from your other half in fear of hurting their feelings, or otherwise.

Why do men (and women) do it?

We do it simply because we can. With a click of the button we can delete all history, and if we aren’t acting on it, we tell ourselves that it’s harmless. It’s an extra way to feed our egos, for better or for worse.

An emotional relationship can be worse than physically cheating with someone, because two people share a deep bond.

Why is it detrimental to a relationship?

Many say an emotional relationship is worse than physically cheating with someone, because two people share a deep bond. They share secrets and personal details of their lives, and when you go to someone else with news before you go to your partner, you are removing that connection between you and your partner, taking it off life support to some extent.

What are the most common types of emotional affairs?

Having an office boyfriend/husband – someone at work you go to lunch with every day, who is the first person you complain to about colleagues and the boss, who you spend five days a week with, eight hours a day.

How can you address it?

Instead of acting out of anger, messaging the other woman or freaking out at your man, let the initial anger pass. Go to a yoga class, or head out for a walk to get a tea. Give yourself time to think with a clear head. Acting in a moment of anger comes with consequences – so clear your head first.

Once you’ve calmed down, approach your partner in a non-confrontational way. When you accuse someone, it’s innate for him or her to become defensive, which will create tension for you both. Instead inform your partner that you’ve caught on that him and so and so have been getting closer lately, and that you feel hurt.

Be direct with expressing your feelings. It’s not about him, but about you. Tell him how you feel, ask if he gets where you’re at, and suggest a solution. This will ensure you’re being clear and that you can solve this without letting it destroy all that you’ve built together thus far.

Ask your partner what you can do to be a better partner to them, so that they don’t need to seek a connection with another elsewhere. Let him know you’d much prefer to make him happy then risk him looking elsewhere. This method is mature, and will allow you both to grow in a healthy. And keep the communication doors open.


emotinal affairs
signs of an affair