Is Your Husband Having an Affair?

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Coping With Infidelity: Four Questions to Ask Yourself

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Jen Kirsch

Created date

March 27, 2014

When asked the question “Would you stay with your spouse if they cheated on you?” many women seem to have an immediate answer.

Though you might think you’re the kind of woman who would never put up with cheating, or you’re the kind who’d want to silently push his misdemeanors under the rug to save face, there’s always grey in these sorts of situations.

Before approaching your spouse, here are some hard-hitting questions you need to ask yourself.

Can you really forgive him?

Before you forgive him for his indiscretion, ask yourself whether you are actually able to move forward. It is unfair to both him and you for you to accept his apology, then throw his affair in his face every time the two of you have an argument. If you choose to forgive, you have to know that you can leave it in the past and not make him pay for his mistakes in the future.

Will you be able to trust him again?

You don’t want to be that girl that looks through her hubby’s phone history while he’s in the shower, is always looking over his shoulder, questions who called him every time his phone rings, etc. You will drive yourself mad and will set yourself up for a very unsettling life. Take time to figure out whether you have the strength to trust him again. To genuinely trust him and not let your mind wander if he has to stay late at the office one evening. If you’re incapable of doing that, then perhaps ending the relationship will set you free from yourself. A constantly worried mind is nothing more than a prison.

A constantly worried mind is nothing more than a prison.

Do you want to get even?

Anger only becomes a negative emotion if you act on it. Some of the top books out right now, such as The Silent Wife and The Husband's Secret, focus around the concept of cheating, and the wives needs to get revenge. If you are having negative thoughts and are catching yourself coming up with plans to get even, stop yourself before you take action. How you respond to situations says more about you than it does anyone else. The best revenge is living well. Be attentive to your intentions. If they aren’t good, don’t act. It will make you just as at fault as he.

What role did you play in this?

No, his cheating is not your fault by any means, but when catastrophes happen in ones life, it’s important to look at the role individuals might play. In the Sex and The City movie, we learn about Steve’s affair, and when Miranda took time to look at herself, she realized how her actions (ignoring Steve, focusing on the baby and work, not making time to him) played a part in the distance between him, and his inevitable affair. This can be an opportunity for you and your partner to sit down and evaluate your relationship, to become stronger partners and build relationship by being able to pinpoint troubles you might have both put a blind eye to.


Sex and the City