Sue's Sex FAQ
Anal Sex
Sex FAQs provided by Sue Johanson of the Sunday Night Sex Show.
Q. My partner enjoys anal sex and I was quite enjoying it but when I looked down there was 3 inches of blood on the mattress. It continued for about 10 minutes. She was in no pain. What happened?
A. Wow. That tells me that something tore or there was a blood vessel close to the surface of the rectum and with penetration and friction it tore or opened up. It just might be a hemorrhoid that "blew" under pressure. What scares me is that it is an opening into her blood stream, leaving her vulnerable to infection. The mucous membrane of the rectum doesn't heal very fast. It could happen again. I would ask her to go to her family doctor for a check-up and he might order a sigmoidoscopy and check that it is healed and okay. Don't try anal sex till then and even if she does enjoy it, you must wear a condom and you must be gentle. It is too risky.
Q. My boyfriend wants to have anal sex but every time we do it hurts. We don't use a condom. We live in a small town and are kind of embarrassed. Are there any generic products we could buy at a food store to help out?
A. Use a condom and use lots of lubrication. Don't use Vaseline - it rots condoms, fast. Anal sex is high-risk behaviour. It is dangerous for infections including gonorrhea, genital warts and HIV.
If you are going to have anal sex, he must be very gentle - go slow. You should be relaxed and comfortable. If it hurts there is a possibility he is doing damage to your rectum. Together, you agree on a "stop" word, something like "sky" or "ouch," and he must stop immediately. I am not sure what you mean by generic products, you must use commercial condoms. Go to a nearby community where you are not known and buy condoms there.
Q. If you don't use a condom but your partner does not have an STD, can you contact anything during anal sex?
A. No. If your partner does not have any sexually transmitted diseases like gonorrhea, syphilis, venereal warts, chlamydia, is not HIV positive or have AIDS, then you won't get anything. But you know there are feces in the rectum and that could get messy, so why not use a condom for the sake of cleanliness? Be gentle and use lots of lubrication.
Q. My girlfriend has a dildo and she wants to use it on me (I'm male). Does this mean I'm gay if I agree to it?
A. That's fine. Anal stimulation does not mean that you are homosexual. It means you like anal stimulation and using a small vibrator for anal stimulation is fine. Let me warn you, be gentle. The rectum is a tube lined with mucous membrane and if you are thrusting into the rectum and you tear that mucous membrane, it does not heal very well. Now, when feces come down the rectum, if you have a tear there and you are going to get a nasty infection or the tear is going to get bigger and won't heal. If you are going to have anal sex with a hard vibrator (and we don't recommend that) be very, very gentle. You might have problems later and you don't need that.
Q. My boyfriend wants to have anal sex with me but I feel uncomfortable. I heard men have an A spot and he won't let me near it. How do I go about getting him to try it?
A. I have a problem with this. Your rectum is fair game and he wants to insert his penis in your bum but he will not allow you to touch his. If he can say no to you then you are absolutely right when you say NO to him. Bums are out of bounds for both of you unless the trust level is high enough for it to be reciprocal. If you are uncomfortable with it then don't do it. What's good for you is good for him and if he tries to pressure you, he is being manipulative and exploitive. Then this is a lopsided relationship and he is not a good bet for the future.
Q. Lately after we have anal sex, my boyfriend wants to have oral sex right afterward. Should I be concerned about diseases? We don't use condoms.
A. His penis was in your rectum and you are not using a condom? Are you nuts? Think about it, the rectum is for feces. He is putting his penis into all that stuff without a condom? Think of the risks of lovely sexually transmitted diseases AND HIV/AIDS. Come on lady, get smart.
To top it off, he wants YOU to perform oral sex, take his penis into your mouth, after is has been in your rectum? YECHT!
Why would you do something like that just because your boyfriend wants you to do it? Please lady, think for yourself. You can give him two choices: either we use a condom for bum sex, which I strongly recommend to keep you form all sorts of diseases and things, or we definitely will not be having oral sex after anal sex. In fact, we don't do vaginal sex after unprotected anal sex. That is high-risk behaviour and not a good idea. So you tell him "No, this is not going to happen. You listen to me. This is what I want." You better get used to doing it because if this is a long-term relationship you are going to have to talk firmly to him about a while lot of things in the future. When in doubt - don't.
Q. I'm pregnant and I was wondering if it is okay to have anal sex?
A. Gently. No vigorous sex. It is fine. Absolutely fine. Now, I am not sure you will be to gung ho about anal sex when you are eight months pregnant and that is wise.
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