There are few things more devastating to a relationship than learning a partner has been unfaithful.

While rebuilding trust isn’t easy, therapists agree it is possible to salvage a relationship that’s been shattered by infidelity.

“While it does depend on certain factors, I think generally most relationships can be saved,” says David Rubinstein of Couple Enrichment Inc., who runs the business with his wife, Louise Dorfman. He says the first step in recovering from infidelity is getting the “wronged” partner to somewhat detach himself or herself from the situation.

“As strange as it may seem, it’s important for the partner who has been cheated on not to take the infidelity personally. As painful as the situation is, the couple needs to be able to sit down and discuss what’s happening to them, without laying guilt trips on one another.”

Rubinstein says that infidelity is rarely about the behaviour of the faithful spouse. Often a person will stray because of issues in the relationship that they don’t know how to face.

“Cheating is often an escape from dealing with the real issues. For example, a person might feel unfulfilled because of unrealistic expectations of what love is supposed to be. Rather than try to build it in their current relationship, they’ll try and look for it someplace else.”

Dorfman agrees with her husband and says that for couples looking to repair their relationship, communication is key.

“It’s important for couples to develop a shared vision of what life together should be like. A lot of people think that love is something that just ‘happens’ to you. They don’t realize that it’s something that you create.”

Dr. Anthony Lucifero is a supervisor and therapist at Toronto’s Family Counseling Center. He says that once a couple has identified the real problems in their relationship, they need to work on solutions together.

“It’s often the person who’s been cheated on that goes out to try and fix the relationship. You need to get an indication from the party that was unfaithful that the relationship isn’t over.”

Once a couple starts talking about what made the person stray, all three therapists agree that the healing can begin and the wronged party can work towards forgiving their partner.

If a couple decides the relationship is worth saving, it's important the wronged person not only work to forgive their partner, but also refrain from continuously bringing up the infidelity in order to make their partner feel guilty.

However, there are times when no amount of counseling can bring two people back together.

“It’s not a counselor’s job to say whether or not two people should stay together,” says Dorfman. “We’re just there to help people understand what lies beneath the surface problem.”

Lucifero says that, as a therapist, he tries to exhaust every opportunity to allow a couple to fix a crumbling relationship. “There’s only so much you can do,” he says. “If someone is fully in love with the person they are having an affair with, it’s pretty much a lost cause.”