Men are a mysterious species. Some still think that white sport socks are all-season footwear, or that you somehow don’t notice when they speak directly to your chest. Separating the good from the bad is no easy task. We know that ALL men are not bad for us, but somehow our fabulous judgment for coordinating accessories doesn’t translate to coordinating men with ourselves.
That said, I asked a group of single and attached women about the men that have made them scream, roll their eyes, change their phone numbers and want to pull his hair out (better his than yours). So, if majority rules, then my jury encourages all women to avoid these type of men at all costs.
For him the more points the better. That is after all, how a Player plays his game. He’s the guy who’s so smooth and charming he hypnotizes you with his rehearsed stories about saving children in third-world countries and tells you that he eats only dolphin-friendly tuna, or something of the like. Truth is, about a dozen other women have fallen for the same story, perhaps even that same night. He’s sexy, he’s hot and he seems to be mesmerized by you…for now. Players aren’t in the game for commitment and like a wide-open field with plenty of pickings. Players are notorious for greeting you with “hi sexy”, “hey beautiful” or something equally flattering - mostly because it is not humanly possible to remember the names of all the women that a Player knows.
The Mamma’s Boy
At one point or another all of my research participants (a.k.a slightly tipsy friends), have admitted to falling for a Mamma’s Boy. A guy who loves his mother must be a wonderful lad indeed. This is true. However, a man who cannot live his life without consulting his mother on a daily basis is no dream. His mother still makes him dinner several nights a week, she shops for him, does his laundry and he thinks no woman can ever compare to his dear old mom. Mamma’s Boys are kind of cute. They’re endearing, caring and sensitive. All good qualities, no? Ahh..but the Mama’s Boy does not know how to detach himself from the invisible umbilical cord that keeps him from being independent. You will always be second to HER. The Mamma’s Boy is too afraid to tell his mother that he might disagree with her, and just doesn’t know how to tell her “no”. If he talks to her over the phone in baby talk or asks you to do your hair like hers…dear God, run like the wind and don’t ever look back.
The Eternal Frat Boy
There was that brief period in our lives when it was fun to collect beer bottles in the living room and liquor posters meant decorating. Frat boys were fun, wild and exciting! Frat Men are not. The Eternal Frat Boy might think that being over 30 and still able to crush a beer can on his forehead is a foolproof pick-up technique. As one girl noted, “if you’re over 25 and still trying to burp the alphabet, what other ‘goals’ haven’t you achieved?” The Eternal Frat Boy might leave you feeling overly mature and articulate. His idea of entertainment might be signing you up for a wet T-shirt contest. The Eternal Frat Boy can leave a conversational void inside you, and his contribution to your decorating endeavors might be to teach you 101 uses for milk crates. There is more to life than collecting beer coasters and stealing shot glasses from bars. Order a martini and walk away before a flying bottle cap pops you in the eye.
The Bad Boy
He’s rebellious and lives for the moment. His carefree attitude and zest for life are intoxicating. Could that have anything to do with being on parole? Many women admit being attracted to Bad Boys because they’re so exciting and dangerous. Perhaps you like knowing that he’s been charged with a petty crime or has spent time in “the big house”. But being carefree and lacking responsibility does not translate well in a relationship. At first when he suggested that you wear costumes you couldn’t wait, until you realized he meant wearing them outside. Being someone’s alibi is no walk in the park either. Running from the law, running from you, running from the people he owes money too…it’s all the same.
You know the one, the guy whose smile is about 600 watts and is dressed like he walked straight out of a fashion mag. He is either the epitome of visual perfection, or worse - he actually isn’t but truly believes he is. He thinks he is quite possibly the most perfect man that you have ever met. As sure as the earth is round, he has no doubt that you will fall madly in love with him. Guy Smiley is drunk with adoration for himself so you are really just a cheerleader. You’re job is to reinforce his perfection and beauty with shallow compliments and perhaps gasp occasionally like he has taken your breath away with his stunning good looks. He is easily distracted by bright shiny reflections of himself (in mirrors, windows, well-polished cutlery, still water etc…) He may not even notice that you’re around unless you stop following him with a spotlight and leave him in the dark. Nice to look at but the glare from his smile may cause retinal damage.
The Cling Wrap Guy
You wanted love and attention and oh boy, does this guy know how to give! At first it was so romantic - the cards, the flowers, the gifts, the attention…until you were left gasping for air. The Cling Wrap Guy is so attached to you, it feels like you’ve gained 180 pounds down one side of your body. He calls you all the time. Wants to know what you’re doing, what you will be doing, when you’ll be doing it. You have become the only person in his life and you can’t go to the bathroom without him saying that he’ll miss you. He will follow you anywhere and do anything you want him to. Save your time, have more personal space and get a puppy instead.
So what does this leave us with? More trial and error. If the attached women in my focus group were able to find a mate, then the single ones believed that there was hope for them too. A prince on a white horse is clearly not out of the question. Sometimes after a bad encounter with someone from the male species, it’s just refreshing to meet a guy who can carry a conversation and knows how to compliment you on the way your lipstick matches your shoes. In the dating world today,it’s the little things that matter.