It's holiday time again, and both sets of parents want you to spend Christmas with family – their family. Here's how to deal.

1. Take turns
Perhaps you can spend the holidays with his family one year, and the next you can go to yours. You and your in-laws will likely have different traditions and ideas for different holidays. Do you open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?

2. Be realistic
Expect the worst and work toward the best. After all, you’ll be dealing with many differences: different religions, different traditions, different routines and different personalities.

3. Make the best of things
Since it’s unavoidable, there’s no point in stressing out over it for weeks beforehand. Don't let the anticipation spoil your holiday, and don't fight with your spouse over it. Remember, you can pick your partners and friends, but you can’t pick your family – or in-laws.

4. Keep a low profile
If anyone says anything unpleasant to you, just let it go. People cannot antagonize you if you won't let yourself be antagonized. Also don't make any big announcements like job changes or a fantastically lucrative deal you just invested in. Leave that for a less emotionally-charged occasion.

5. Keep it light
Avoid discussing sensitive topics during the holidays, especially money issues, politics or religious views. Acknowledge the beliefs of the house for the day. If someone tries to draw you into a discussion on any volatile topics, simply change the subject.

6. Say something nice
When you arrive, compliment the Christmas tree, your mothers-in-laws new hair-do or the smell wafting from the oven.

7. Contribute
Cook something you really like and make enough for everyone. Then there will be something you enjoy eating no matter what the rest of the menu is like. Not only is it good manners to make a contribution, it is also difficult to be unpleasant to someone who arrives with food or drink.

8. Give your hostess a break
Pitch in and help. No matter how much your in-laws protest, you should do your best to help return the house to “normal” before you leave. Also, the kitchen is a perfect place to escape to if the conversation becomes intolerable.

9. Start your own traditions
Pick a day or meal and make it your own. You can have family and friends come to your house for Boxing Day Brunch or New Year’s Day Dinner. This is where you invite whoever you want, serve whatever you want, and in time people will come to know it is your day.

10. Don’t lose site of the big picture
Being amiable will go a long way to making your spouse happy. If the children are making noise, or your in-laws are vegetarians or whatever – remember it is just for the holiday. One can survive anything for a short time. And one sure-fire way to upset your husband is to criticize his family. Even if he complains about his own family, you mustn’t join in.

If All Else Fails

If you've done your best to compromise and either family is still unhappy, you have the right to opt not to have an extended family holiday. Make travel plans for the two of you and give yourselves a Cuban tan for Christmas, or take the kids to Disney Land.